he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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