We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
