I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
