We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
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We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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