We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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