It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
