Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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