Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize