Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
