yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
