I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
