well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
