I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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