like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
