i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
