It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
