Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you win again, gameday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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