I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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