I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
