Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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