So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
