im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
