There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
