i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
