Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What a dumb baby whore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Loading more great texts...