He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Green mimosas i think yes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
