I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
