dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
