Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the high leading the old right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
