Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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