its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
only if we run a train.
done.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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