I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
