Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
this is an emotional support booty call
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