"it" just moved
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
