dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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