Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
