You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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