That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ugly people sure do ruin things
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
