a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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