Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
