I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
