yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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