Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
