my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
