This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.