There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry my hands just texted you
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If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my poor anus
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.