i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
