I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude