dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.