I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen