I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
