You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
