pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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