In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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