it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My ass is underappreciated
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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