Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
