I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
