To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
