Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
