So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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