I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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