Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
