see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
