I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
