smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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