How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
