I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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