Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
