We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
