kristin has been a bad kristin
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
