am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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