I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
