And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
