Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
