Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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