i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
