It's Friday. Sex?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
