I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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