Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
