I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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