The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
