Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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