i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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