He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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