Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
