Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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