I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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