So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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