careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
