ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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