He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
