so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
